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    작성일 : 18-04-11 11:14
    [꼭읽어볼내용] 부부문제상담 - 당신이 나가서 돈이라도 벌어봤어?
     글쓴이 : 행복연구소
    조회 : 27,245  

    당신이 내가 나가서 어떻게 일하는지, 눈 코뜰새 없이 바뻐 죽겠고 자금 압박에 시달리고 직원들 월급 나가야 되는 날이면 

    숨이 가슴까지 턱턱 막히는, 이런 정글같은 곳에서 내가 얼마나 치열하게 사는지를 알면 그렇게 한가한 소리를 할 수 있겠냐?‘

     

    남편의 애정과 사랑을 바라면서 늘 외롭다고 토로하는 아내에게 남편이 한 말입니다.

    남편은 사업을 하면서 때로는 거래처 접대라는 이유로 술에 쩔어 들어오거나 대놓고 와이셔츠에 립스틱 자국을 묻혀서 들어와도 늘 당당했으며 남자가 밖에서 일하면서 그럴 수도 있다는 생각을 하고 있었습니다. 아내에게 외제차를 뽑아주고, 생활비도 넉넉히 주었으며 육아를 위해 도우미 아줌마를 부르는 일도 당연하게 받아들여 주었는데 아내는 그놈의 사랑타령, 외로움 타령을 멈추지 않는다며 집에 들어오면 짜증만 밀려온다고 했습니다. 상담소를 찾는 다른 부부들처럼 직접적인 외도행위를 한것도 아닌데 별것도 아닌 일로 우울하네 어쩌네 하면서 여기까지 바쁜 사람을 데려왔다고 온갖 불만을 쏟아냈습니다.

     

    이 부부를 보면서 드는 생각의 가장 첫 번째는 참으로 다행이다였습니다.

    그냥 이대로 살았다면 늘 언제 터질지 모르는 폭탄을 안고 부부가 참 아슬아슬하게 살았을 것이 뻔히 보이기 때문입니다. 남편은 밖에서 힘들게 일하는 자신을 인정해주지 않는 아내에 대한 불만으로 말이 통하고, 상냥한 어떤 여자에게 빠져드는 외도를, 아내는 살림은 넉넉할지 모르나 늘 공허함에 시달리다가 위로의 대상을 찾아 중독으로 빠져는 외도를 선택했을지도 모를 일입니다. , 외도로 나타나지 않더라도 부부는 어떤 식으로든 위기의 순간을 맞았을 것입니다. 사람의 심리란 풍선과 같아서 참고, 인내하는 것은 언젠가는 터지게 되어 있으니까 말입니다.

    남편도, 아내도 서로를 사랑하지 않는 게 아닌데 이미 심리적인 악순환에 빠져버린 이상, 상대의 모든 행동은 나를 공격하는 것으로 인식될 확률이 높습니다.

    사실, 이런 부분의 근본 원인은 서로에 대한 심리를 정확히 모르기 때문입니다. 내가 보는 것은 오직 현상이기 때문에 그냥 보이는 대로만 상대를 인식하고 오해를 하고 있는 경우가 더 많아지게 되는 것입니다.

     

    서로간에 소통이 되지 않는 다는 것, 대화가 통하지 않고 늘 싸움으로 끝난다는 것, ‘왜 진작에 저런 사람인줄 몰랐을까.’라고 생각하며 관계에 대한 불만과 결혼에 대한 후회로 살아가고 있다는 것 자체가 이미 부부 문제의 시작이라고 할 수 있습니다.

     

    이런 문제로 위와 같은 상황을 겪고 계시다면 주저하지 말고 상담의 도움을 받으시길 바랍니다.

    나와 상대에 대한 심리의 원리를 바탕으로 어떻게 상황을 해결해야 하는지 알게 된다면 관계개선의 실마리를 찾으실 수 있을 것입니다.


    marianne 20-11-20 09:50
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